Chapter 5

CHAPTER V

STRIPE MADE MUCH faster progress this time. He was bigger and stronger since he had taken time out. From the beginning he determined to get to the top. He especially avoided meeting the eyes of other crawlers. He knew how fatal such contact could be.

He tried not to think of Yellow.

He disciplined himself neither to feel nor to be distracted.

Stripe didn’t seem just “disciplined” to others – he seemed ruthless. Even among climbers he was special. He didn’t think he was against anybody. He was just doing what he had to do if he was to get to the top.

“Don’t blame me if you don’t succeed! It’s a tough life. Just make up your mind,” he would have said had any caterpillar complained.

Then one day he was near hid goal.

Stripe had done well but when light finally filtered down from the top, he was close to exhaustion. At this height there was almost no movement. All held their positions with every skill a lifetime of climbing had taught them. Every small move counted terribly. There was no communication. Only the outsides touched.

They were like cocoons to one another. Then one day Stripe heard a crawler above him saying, “None of us can get any higher without getting rid of them.” Soon after, he felt tremendous pressure and shaking. Then came screams and falling bodies. Then silence; lots more light and less weight from above. Stripe felt awful with his new knowledge. The mystery of the pillar was clearing. He now knew what had happened to the three caterpillars. He now knew what must always happen on the pillar.

Frustration surged through Stripe. But as he was agreeing this was the only way “up” he heard a tiny whisper form the top: “There’s nothing here at all!” It was answered by another: “Quiet, fool! They’ll hear you down the pillar. We’re where they want to get. That’s what here!” Stripe felt frozen. To be so high and not high at all! It only looked good from the bottom. The whisper came again. “Look over there – another pillar – and there too – everywhere!”

Stripe became angry as well frustrated. “My pillar,” he moaned, “only one of thousands. Millions of caterpillars climbing nowhere! Something is really wrong but … what else is there?”

His life with Yellow seemed so far away. That wasn’t it either – not quite. “Yellow!” He let her image fill his being. “You knew something, didn’t you? Was it courage to wait? Maybe she was right. I wish I were with her.

“I could go down,” he thought. “I’d look ridiculous but maybe it’s better than what’s happening here.”

But Stripe’s thought was interrupted by bursts of movement all over his level. Each seemed to be making a last effort to find some entry to the top. But with every push the top layer tightened.
Finally one caterpillar gasped, “Unless we try together nobody will reach the top. Maybe if we give one big push! They can’t hold us down forever!”

But before they could act there were cries and commotion of another kind. Stripe struggled to the edge to see the cause. A brilliant yellow winged creature was circling the pillar, moving freely – a wonderful sight! How does it get so high without climbing?

When Stripe poked out his head the creature seemed to recognize him. It extended its legs and tried to grab him. Stripe caught himself just before being pulled out of the pile.

The brilliant creature let go and looked sadly to his eyes. That look activated excitement Stripe hadn’t felt since he first saw the pillar. Words from the past returned, “… butterflies alone.”

“Is this a butterfly?” And what did it mean – “The top… they’ll see …”? It was all so strange and yet like it was supposed to be. And those eyes with the look of Yellow. Could it be?

Such impossible thoughts! Yet excitement inside wouldn’t stop. He grew happy. Somehow he could escape, he could be carried away. But as this possibility became real, something else grew inside. He felt he shouldn’t escape like this.

Looking into the creature’s eyes he could hardly bear the love he saw there. He felt unworthy. He wanted to change, to make up for all the times he had refused to look at the other. He tried to tell her what he felt. He stopped struggling. The others stared at him as though he were mad.